Healthy Boundaries

“Healthy boundaries” has become a buzz phrase in the last decade or so. But what exactly does it mean to have healthy boundaries?

The first step with creating and maintaining healthy boundaries is always managing your own expectations when it comes to others. You wouldn’t expect a frog to moo like a cow, right? It is common to set expectations on those closest to us, but it is also common to be let down rather frequently. In the same way, people have come to expect certain things and behaviors from us…yet another unwritten contract we’ve formed without our knowledge or consent.

If your girlfriends are used to getting together twice a month so you can knock back a few and talk trash about so and so, then what would happen if you spoke up and told them that you were no longer comfortable taking part in that?

Have you noticed that you’re afraid to speak up sometimes out of fear of losing certain people in your life?

Here’s a somewhat controversial viewpoint, but some people need to be lost. Some people are in our lives because it’s convenient or because it’s always been that way. But are they actually good for you? Do they bring out the best in you? Is the relationship reciprocal?

Being able to speak your truth and to set your own standards for how you wish to be treated in any type of relationship, is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. It’s also one of the most challenging.

Most of us have been conditioned throughout our lives to put our needs last. To accommodate. To suffer in silence rather than speak our needs. We have to unlearn the conditioning that makes us feel like our own needs are less important.

Some important questions that you can ask yourself to begin the process of setting healthy boundaries:

• What are the things in my current relationships that make me feel resentful? • What are the things in my current relationships that make me feel energized and good? • Do I feel heard and respected? • Are there people in my life that always take and never give? • What are the things that make me uncomfortable that I continue to participate in out of obligation or fear?

Once you begin to notice these patterns and the things that make you feel depleted, you can begin to set standards for what you will and won’t accept. I want to encourage you to use your voice. You deserve to be heard and to have your needs met. It starts with you.