Today is Father’s Day and for many, unfortunately, that means nothing. Sometimes it means more than nothing, which is worse. If you’re like so many in the world who didn’t experience the love and training of your father, this can be a day of triggers for you. Seeing people post their happy pictures with their dads or sharing loving stories of their upbringing can cause you immense pain, even jealousy.
I recall always despising Father’s Day, even as a child. It’s difficult to embrace a day that celebrates a parental figure that you’re either not familiar with or have mostly painful experiences with. Personally, I knew that there were some good fathers out there, it just wasn’t what I got. And I know I’m not alone.
There are so many Mothers around the world who were forced into the position of playing both roles, while the fathers remained absent for their children. However, it is so important for a child to be exposed to both a loving mother and father as they grow. They are both so necessary for the healthy development of a child. And sadly, many parents become “good enough” parents, just trying to survive their own traumas, without ever realizing the damage that is being done to their own children.
I just want to acknowledge the pain that this day brings for so many and let you know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who share this experience with you. There’s also something to be said for allowing yourself to sit in that pain today. Today you can reflect on the father you wish you had. And in that pain, perhaps there’s also gratitude for the people who stepped up in your life and in that role. Even if it wasn’t a man.
And for those who have lost their fathers to death, whether it was recent or long ago…that pain never goes away. You are also not alone. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are two days of the year where grief comes knocking loudly at the door. Especially in the first few years after your loss.
So today, no matter where you find yourself in this spectrum, just know that what you feel is valid. That your story, is YOUR story. Be gentle with yourself today. I see you.
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