If you have been unfortunate enough to have found yourself in this tragic position, then you know how excruciating this pain is. Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the most life altering events one can experience. There is no warning when you receive the news. There was no long battle with a physical illness to where you were expecting this outcome to arrive at your doorstep…uninvited. The sudden death of a beloved person in your life will always feel unfair, but even more so when it was a choice made by them to end it.
You may look back and feel guilt and shame. You will most likely feel like you failed that person in one way or another. Because, let’s face it, there wasn’t a physical illness but you knew there was an internal war that person was fighting. Sometimes you soldiered beside them and other times you were an enemy.
According to the Kubler-Ross model, the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The second stage, anger, will be the hardest in a grief that involves suicide. This anger will be directed at yourself, at others and at the individual who made the choice to end their life. And you will feel incredibly guilty for being angry at them. This is when you need to remind yourself that while they were your loved one, they were also fighting a battle that you cannot fully understand.
The denial stage in suicide grief is a complicated one. You will deny the facts of how they died, you might deny that it was a choice and if someone is vulnerable enough, they may even deny that the person is gone at all.
It is so important during this time to seek professional grief counseling, particularly with a counselor who specializes in suicide grief. You don’t have to go through this alone. You also must allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that come with this process without judgment.
Suicide prevention hotline: 988
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